The Origin of Copy Copy Rezo
by Bezo and Yezo
Summary: During our last tale (The Slayers Fan Fiction Review Guild), Gourry had a flashback of sorts. This...is...that...FLASHBACK!! Hey, you asked for more (well, some of you). You brought this upon yourselves. Hee!


The Origin of Copy Copy Rezo  
  
By Bezo the Blue Priest and Yezo the Yellow Priestess  
  
Disclaimer and Author's Notes: Okay…we don't own any of these characters. Technically, we own Copy Copy Rezo, but really, he's just a stupider version of Rezo…and Copy Rezo. We could be sued for…like…photo-copying or something. Anyway, point is, the guy who created Slayers owns everyone in here, except for Stone Cold Steve Austin, who still owns himself, and for some reason, keeps appearing in our stories. Bezo's influence; insane wrestling fandom.  
  
Anyway, this story takes place in the middle of our first story, "The Slayers Fan Fiction Review Guild." Well, kind of. Gourry's having a flashback in the middle of that story to something that takes place long before. This…is…that…flashback!!!  
  
So, if you're confused, don't worry. So are we. And we wrote the damn thing! What? I said we wrote the damn thing!  
  
Anyway, enjoy! And please review often and generously. Tee-hee!  
  
And by the way, you can always flame Bezo at flamingpitsofhell@yahoo.com and Yezo at the_pyre42@hotmail.com Flame well, and flame often.  
  
And now, oooooooooooooooooon with the show! [Bezo still making insane death threats in the background. "Review or diiiiieeee! Review or DIIIEEE!!!!!!" Yezo, behind him, sweatdrops.]  
  
Gourry tilted his head to the side, watching the cloaked man glide out of the inn.  
  
"Was that Rezo…or Copy Rezo?"  
  
Lina chuckled and replied, laughing heartily, as though at a joke that was very funny and warranted much laughter (so there, Ms. Nitpicker!),  
  
"Hey, Gourry! I know! Maybe it was Copy Copy Rezo!"  
  
A faraway look came into Gourry's eyes. 'I remember Copy Copy Rezo,' he thought to himself. 'I remember it as if it were yesterday…yesterday…yesterday…'  
  
He glanced about him, puzzled. 'Where did those harps come from? And why am I echoing?' He scratched his head. 'Oh, yeah. Copy Copy Rezo. I remember that day. It was a long time ago. Sometime after we killed that Copy Rezo guy, and some time before we were here. It all started with that really great meal…'  
  
Ah, yes, Gourry. It had started with a 'really great meal,' as most adventures involving our beloved heroes tend to. But not only was the meal a delightful one, but the day was lovely, as well. The sun was shining, the cows were chirping in the trees, and the birds were mooing in the grass. It was a strange day, but rather nice, nonetheless.  
  
Lina placed the crowning plate high, high atop the already impressive stack and rubbed her belly in appreciation of the culinary delights recently bestowed upon it. Suddenly, Lina glanced upward, her brows furrowed.  
  
"It's just good food, guys. Leave it alone, already."  
  
"Sorry," the voices of Bezo and Yezo rang out from the ceiling.  
  
Zelgadis sighed, pushing his empty coffee cup away from him.  
  
"Lina's talking to the ceiling again," he observed idly.  
  
"Hey," Lina protested, raising her fork in one hand, her knife in the other, "the narrator was going on and on! I hate when that happens."  
  
"Come on, Miss Lina," Amelia leapt upon her chair, pointing emphatically upwards. "There is a certain beauty in the majesty of a well-crafted descriptive sentence. For only through many words of vivid descriptive power can the reader truly envision the great lives of heroes and villains. Well," she paused for a moment, "heroes, mostly. Anyway, how would you rather have our adventures recorded for future generations, Miss Lina? With tomes upon tomes of eloquent and poetic description, or some guy saying, 'They did stuff. And then it was done. And then they stopped.' I don't know about you, Miss Lina, but I don't want to be remembered as 'a chick who did stuff!'"  
  
Lina, Gourry, and Zelgadis sat in silence, blinking in mild surprise. Then, hesitantly, Gourry spoke up.  
  
"Uh, Amelia?" He pointed to the lone chicken wing, huddling alone and frightened on her plate. "Are you gonna eat that?"  
  
Amelia sighed, tossing the chicken wing over her shoulder.  
  
"I was, but I'm suddenly not hungry anymore."  
  
"Welcome to my world," Zelgadis muttered with a smirk, amid the flurry of motion as Lina and Gourry both dove for the chicken wing, which had once again found its flight…and dove in vain. The chicken wing landed with a splat upon the dirty inn floor.  
  
"My…chicken…" Lina choked out, tears forming in her eyes. Amelia spoke up.  
  
"Actually, Miss Lina, it was-"  
  
"You shut up!" Lina barked at the younger girl. "You said you didn't want it, so it became my chicken!"  
  
"Well, I asked for it first," Gourry pointed out.  
  
"MY chicken," Lina continued, ignoring the swordsman, "and YOU destroyed it! I am really pissed off now!"  
  
"I don't care!" Amelia declared, reaching into that pink feather duster thingie and pulling out a small purse, and tossing it to Lina. "Buy your own chicken!"  
  
She turned and stalked from the dining area in a huff.  
  
"Here," Zelgadis called after her," take my huff. It has better mileage."  
  
Then, after blinking for a moment, he glared upward and howled,  
  
"Would you quit making me say things like that?!"  
  
"Wow…" Gourry began slowly. "I think Amelia's really mad this time."  
  
"I don't think she has any respect for me," Amelia told the bartender mournfully.  
  
"What?" he replied, drying a mug.  
  
"I know! I pay for all her meals, I do all her laundry, I follow her all over the place, and she treats me like a second-class citizen! I mean, how does the act of tossing chicken over my shoulder make that chicken hers?"  
  
"What?" the bartender's eyebrow raised in confusion.  
  
"Yeah! Stupid, huh? You know what I just wish would happen?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"I wish someone would put her in her place! Like Rezo…or Copy Rezo!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Rezo…one of the five Wisemen of the Age. He didn't know it at the time, but he was holding a dark lord inside his eyes."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Yeah! Isn't that weird? I wasn't actually there, but from what Miss Lina tells me, it was quite the plot twist at the time."  
  
"What?"  
  
"A plot twist; you know, a literary device used to throw the reader and/or viewers a curveball."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Yeah, now that one, I don't understand, either. I'm not a big sports- girl. But, enough about my story; tell me something about you."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I don't know…your name? What you do? Well…I guess that's obvious from where we are and what you're doing right now." She pointed at the tumbler of ale that the bartender was in the process of handing to a customer.  
  
"What?"  
  
"You're a man of few words, aren't you?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Okay…one word."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Yeah…that one."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Can you say anything else?"  
  
"What?" The bartender's reply was slightly muffled this time, as he bent down to retrieve a fallen jar of pickled eggs.  
  
"What?!" Amelia replied, exasperated. He stared at her blankly, horror growing in his eyes.  
  
"My Achilles heel!" he gasped, clutching his chest. "Wh-aaaa-aaaa-tt…" he wheezed weakly, collapsing to the ground.  
  
"Um…okay…" Amelia slid off her barstool and backed away, frightened. As she reached the tavern door and ran out into the street, the bartender sat up, rubbed his eyes as sunlight from the open door glinted off his bald head, and reflected to himself,  
  
"I need a beer. What? I said I need a beer!"  
  
He climbed to his feet and downed the contents of a nearby beer keg.  
  
"That was really weird," Amelia reflected sadly to herself, trudging along.  
  
"What was really weird?" a familiar voice inquired from behind her. Amelia froze for a moment, ready to kill, then relaxed as she realized it was Zelgadis.  
  
"Oh, Mr. Zelgadis, thank goodness it's you! I just had the most horrifying experience!"  
  
"Not another fish-person!" Zelgadis drew his sword, glancing furtively around.  
  
"No," Amelia sighed, "not another fish-person. I don't want to talk about it. So, where's Mr. Gourry? And-" Her eyes narrowed. "And Miss Lina?"  
  
"Well, you did give them all your money. What's the first place that Lina and Gourry, with a large sum of money, would go?"  
  
"Hmm…they just ate…" she mused.  
  
"And so it'll be at least fifteen minutes before they're hungry again. Provided, that is, they don't exert themselves."  
  
"Mr. Zelgadis!" Amelia exclaimed, blushing slightly. Zelgadis sighed, and stepped on the small lemon rolling towards him, with a squish, and raised his eyebrows as a small, green bunny-kitten darted forward to lap up the lemon juice…and then abruptly darted away with a pained, strangled noise.  
  
"Not like that, Amelia."  
  
"Oh…"  
  
"We'd best be going, if we want to get any of your money back."  
  
They walked off, and as they did, a pair of tightly sealed eyes did not follow them, not watching closely as they faded into the distance. A slight jingling sound rang through the air.  
  
"Yes, you'd best be going," the cloaked figure chuckled. "Going to die! Ah-hah-hah…" He groaned in despair, his shoulders drooping despondently. "That doesn't even make sense."  
  
He slunk back into the shadows, his new purpose clear. Biting, witty, and attention-grabbing dialogue, far surpassing that of the one who had come before him. Oh, yeah. And preferably dialogue that made sense.  
  
"LINAAAAAAA!!!" Gourry howled, fist clenched tightly in front of him.  
  
"Yeah?" Lina glanced at him. Gourry pointed to the heavily cheese-laden pizza before her.  
  
"Can I have some of that?"  
  
"Sure, Gourry," Lina replied amiably. "Grab a slice. I'm in a good mood, now that I have lots of money."  
  
"Yeah," Gourry agreed, tugging a chunk from the pan. "They say money doesn't bring you happiness, but it's easy to see why Amelia's always so positive."  
  
"With a triple-pepperoni, eight cheese pizza, life truly IS wonderful!" Lina declared, lifting her fork to the heavens, whipping around as the screams of Xellos echoed off in the distance. She shrugged, turning back to more important matters. "Another pizza," she called to the waiter, producing the Seyruun Royal Credit Card. "And just charge it to this!"  
  
"Erm…actually, Miss," the freckled young man informed her hesitantly, "we don't have any toppings left after the last pizza you ordered."  
  
"Oh…" Lina slumped forward, deflated. "Well," she continued, brightening, "you could just bring a chunk of dough to the table."  
  
"And some tomato sauce for dippin'!" Gourry added jubilantly.  
  
"Well…um…actually…it's kind of a funny story…but…uh…well, we're out of those, too," the waiter choked out miserably, wondering yet again if he would live to see the end of this day. Lina pushed her chair back from the table and stood, a dangerous flame flickering in her eyes.  
  
"DRAGON..." She halted abruptly, her eyes glazing over. She grasped her stomach as a painful groan escaped her. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think I ate too much."  
  
Gourry leapt forward with a sharp gasp, seizing her by the shoulders.  
  
"Who are you, and what have you done with Lina?!" he howled, shaking her repeatedly. Her face turned an interesting shade of green and a chagrined expression came over it.  
  
"Gourry, that's a really bad idea."  
  
He abruptly let go of her shoulders, wincing as she slumped to the floor with a thud.  
  
"Okay," Lina called out weakly from the floor, "that didn't help, either."  
  
A hand snaked upward into visibility, index finger pointing to the heavens. "Jus' give me a couple minutezzzzz-zzz-zzz."  
  
"Alright," Gourry shrugged, dropping back into his chair, smiling fondly at the small girl, curled up on the floor of the pizza parlour, fast asleep. "I wonder where Zelgadis and Amelia are."  
  
"I wonder where Gourry and Lina could be. We've checked almost every restaurant in the city," Zelgadis mused, perplexed.  
  
"Could they be at somewhere that isn't a restaurant?" Amelia suggested hesitantly.  
  
"You mean, like a bistro? Or a café? Or a bake sale?"  
  
"Or…a pizza parlour!" Amelia pointed to a large, brightly-coloured sign, proudly displaying the words: Femille-Style Deep-Dish Pizza.  
  
"Does…that mean there's no meat?" Zelgadis pondered, scratching his head, producing the loud scraping sound of stone upon wire.  
  
"Mr. Zelgadis! That was awful!"  
  
"Sorry…I'm just bitter about Miwan."  
  
"Hmph! That makes two of us."  
  
"Uh…um…was that Xellos screaming in pain?" Zelgadis pointed out, for once grateful to the purple-haired monster for providing a proper diversion.  
  
"Don't try to change the subject. Hey…that WAS Mr. Xellos, wasn't it? Lina and Gourry must be nearby! And very happy! Which means…oh, no! How much of my money have they spent?!"  
  
She broke into a run toward the pizza parlour, only to stop abruptly as a shout of 'DRAGON...' rang through the air.  
  
"Huh…let's not go in yet," Zelgadis suggested wisely.  
  
"So, at last my enemies have reunited. How much better it would have been to destroy them all individually…easier anyway. I should start over." The menacingly crimson cloaked figure growled to himself, his staff jingling in agreement.  
  
"So, my enemies have reunited and from the reuniscience…is that even a word? Damn it all. My enemies…adversaries…my adversaries have join forces against the sinister evils I plan to inflict upon them at the appropriate time, accounting of course, for wind resistance and the laws of cause and effect. I can't kill them before I see them, but I can't see so I don't know if I can kill them. Why is writing ominous dialogue so immensely difficult? Perhaps if I abandoned my ridiculously overblown use of adjectives, it would become infinitely easier for my…" He paused, reaching for a thesaurus, "…fiendish plots to manifest themselves!!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!! That could work. That could work good. I will."  
  
"Hey, guys, how's it goin'?"  
  
Both Zelgadis and Amelia stared in shock and slight consternation at the sight of Gourry striding toward them with a decidedly unconscious Lina draped over his left shoulder guard.  
  
"What are you doing, Gourry?" Zelgadis inquired with his newly-returned powers of speech.  
  
"She passed out from eating too much pizza-"  
  
The swordsman's speech was punctuated by a small, pained noise from Amelia at this.  
  
"-and I figured I couldn't wait around for her to wake up. I mean, she ate a lot of pizza."  
  
"D'oh!" Amelia whimpered uncharacteristically.  
  
"And it wasn't just normal pizza, either. You should have seen all the toppings on that stuff! I can't imagine the price tag on something like that," Gourry pondered.  
  
"And I can't imagine what Daddy's gonna do when he gets that bill…" Amelia shuddered at the thought of the formidable wrath of the Pacifist Crush.  
  
Zelgadis sighed.  
  
"I could have told you that giving your money to Lina was a bad idea. To put it lightly."  
  
Amelia glared at the currently smirking Zelgadis.  
  
"Then why didn't you?!"  
  
"I was busy," he informed her with a cool dignity. "Coffee comes first. See?" He pointed at the large white mug he had procured from only he knew where.  
  
"Hmph!" Amelia declared, not for the first time, and likely not for the last.  
  
"Guys, this may not be the best time to talk about that," Gourry broke in uneasily.  
  
The group, barring the still asleep Lina, followed his gaze, and immediately knew why. As a soft jingling rang through the air, they took to their defensive positions. Not good. This was definitely not good.  
  
Before the group stood Rezo, ablaze in flowing red robes…like a very red priest, who was red and a priest and…stuff. His gleaming purple hair flowed directly out to either side, like little purple ski jumps. His equally purple eyebrows and eyelashes waved gently in the breeze. His cheeks were all flesh-coloured and sorta rosy…like they'd just been pinched by some incontinent old aunt. His chin protruded like some bump protruding from his face, and his nose was long and pointy. Verily, you could put someone's eye out with that thing. The jingly rings on the end of his long, hard staff glittered blindingly in the sunlight…which was odd, because it was night by this time. Not that he could tell, of course.  
  
"Rezo!" Zelgadis snarled. "How is it possible that you are alive? We killed you! Twice!"  
  
"Huh?" Gourry added his indispensable insight.  
  
"Huh?" Rezo echoed. "Twice? To the best of my knowledge, I have been killed only once – at Sairaag. Flagoon is my monument."  
  
"What? Yes, you died in Sairaag - the second time," the chimera said, the corners of his mouth turning slightly upward. "Not that killing you a third time will be much of a chore."  
  
"We shall see," the robed man replied with a calm smile. "Now, bring it!"  
  
"Bring what?" Gourry scratched his head.  
  
"Hmm?" Lina muttered, stirring slightly. Then, suddenly, her head jerked up, then she slid off Gourry's shoulder, raised her fist to the sky, and proclaimed jubilantly,  
  
"Alright! Let's eat!"  
  
"Well," Zelgadis observed with a sigh, "she's back."  
  
"Miss Lina, that'll have to wait until later. Rezo's back! Again!"  
  
"What?!!" Lina rubbed her forehead, anger growing in her eyes. "How many times do we have to kill this guy?! He's getting to be as bad as Vrumugun!"  
  
The words had barely left the sorceress's mouth, when a Freeze Arrow hit her from behind.  
  
"Eee!" she shrieked, leaping about madly. "Cold! Cold! Cold! Cold!"  
  
Then, regaining her composure, she spun about, searching for the offender. Her gaze lit on Rezo, and a dangerous smile crossed her face.  
  
"Why, hello," she greeted him in the overly sweet voice that usually signalled someone's eminent demise. "Flare Arrow!"  
  
"Useless!" Rezo shrugged and with an effortless sweep of his staff, deflected the spell back at her. Ducking for cover, she sweatdropped. 'Well, he's certainly a real Rezo', she muttered mentally. He chuckled slightly, "Reflecting spells like that is almost reflex for someone of my power. I used to cast spells against my foes, but now I much prefer to simply use their own magic against them. An irony of sorts."  
  
"Reflect this!" she screeched in fury, "DRAGON SLAVE!!!!!" As the spell thrust itself towards him, Lina saw the protection spell come into effect around him, 'Just what I'd expect you to do' she thought and immediately cast another, "DRAGON SLAVE!!!!" The protection spell buckled and the twin explosions of the dragon slaves bathed the landscape in a brilliant sheet of white. As it faded, Lina looked over at Gourry, "He didn't see that one coming." Gourry scratched his head.  
  
"Who could've seen that coming? That was overkill, Lina."  
  
"Nah, I've taken these Rezos too lightly before. I wasn't about to make that mistake again. I had to finish him off before he found a way to join forces with some evil mythical beast or dark lord and become invincible."  
  
"Still, a double dragon slave?" Zel sighed, "There are limits to what someone, even HE deserves."  
  
"So, who was he anyway?" Amelia pondered. A jingling was heard, seconds before Amelia was swept into the air. Rezo glared sightlessly at them, his arm tightly over the princess' windpipe.  
  
"The correct question is, who AM I?" the Red Priest tightened his grip on the small girl.  
  
"AMELIA!!" Zelgadis cried out, the directed his gaze at the robed figure, "If you harm her…"  
  
"You will do nothing. I think you will find your spells totally ineffective against me. And even if, by some miracle, you were able to hit me, would you really be willing to sacrifice the girl?" Rezo's smile grew, "Of course, I wouldn't expect you to do nothing. I have every intention of killing you all, and I have no qualms about starting with this one."  
  
"Not this time, buddy" Gourry warned as he flew through the air at Rezo, "Light come forth!" The Sword Of Light crackled to life. Rezo's eyeslits narrowed further, squinching his eyelashes, ceasing their wafting. The Red Priest blocked Gourry's strike with his staff, indeed all subsequent strikes.  
  
"What good is a legendary weapon if you can't hit me with it?" Rezo smiled annoyingly, "You won't get me to drop the girl that easily. Hmmm…if you won't use magic against me, perhaps I will have to start." With that, he tossed Amelia aside and began to glow as he was no doubt casting the everyone- be-dead spell of the week.  
  
"Amelia!" Zel yelled, "Are you okay?"  
  
"I'm fine. I've suffered worse falling out of trees," the princess sweatdropped. Rezo was still glowing so the danger wasn't eradicated yet.  
  
"Guys," Lina called out, "I've got an idea."  
  
"Run?" Gourry supposed.  
  
"Better. Since we last met a Rezo, I've added a spell to my repertoire. One he doesn't know about." 'The Ragna Blade' she thought, obviously. Rezo continued to glow menacingly as she cast the amplification spell required to begin to control it. "Sword of the cold dark void, free yourself from the heaven's bonds. Become one with my power, one with my body and let us walk the path of destruction together. Power that can smash even the souls of the Gods. Ragna Blade." Rezo stopped glowing as he noticed the black chaos energy resonating around Lina. As she thrust the sword upon him, one word echoed throughout his consciousness.  
  
"Uh-oh!" and with that, Rezo was sliced in two, his upper half not enjoying the experience any more than the lower, but the lower being much less vocal about it. His upper torso hit the ground with a thud and his lower body just sorta stood there.  
  
"Ack," he lamented.  
  
"Just who do you think you are, attacking us?" Lina demanded.  
  
"I," the torso began, "am Rezo the Red Priest, who was killed at Sairaag and reborn for inadequately explored reasons. You say that there was one before me?"  
  
"Yeah, kinda," Lina began, "You see, before we managed to kill Rezo at Sairaag, we had already killed Rezo. The Rezo we killed in Sairaag was a Copy of the original Rezo, who merged with the demon beast Zanaffar to become insanely powerful, in order to surpass the original Rezo…by killing me."  
  
"Yes…" Rezo wheezed, "I too wanted to kill you, but if the Rezo who died in Sairaag was just a copy, does that mean that I…"  
  
"Yeah," Lina confirmed, "You're a Copy too. Since you know about Sairaag, you must be a Copy of Copy Rezo."  
  
"Copy Copy Rezo?" Gourry scritchied, "So, he's just another Copy Rezo, but with a longer name?"  
  
"I suppose you could put it that way," Zel sighed.  
  
"Why was I created?" Copy Copy Rezo gasped, "For what purpose? Will I never find peace? Will there be Rezos for all eternity? Why? WHYYYY?"  
  
"I guess perhaps we'll never know." Zel sighed again. Suddenly, Copy Eris ran in, "Copy Copy Rezo! Nooooo! Now I can never surpass Original Eris' goal of creating the perfect Rezo copy!"  
  
The torso looked at her strangely, "Didn't I kill you?"  
  
"Yes! You did! Aha! I HAVE surpassed the Original Eris! I'm still alive! Now I can get a job or something and leave all this copy nonsense behind. Seeya." And with that, the Copy Eris strode off in the direction of Femille-Style Deep Dish Pizza, her resume in hand.  
  
"I…don't…have…much…" Copy Copy Rezo choked, weakly, "time…"  
  
"You tried to kill us, and you hurt Amelia…but what would you like us to do for your burial?" Lina inquired.  
  
"Take my body…and destroy it. No more Copies. No more!!!!" and with that, Copy Copy Rezo left this world…to go play golf in heaven with all the other Rezos.  
  
"Fireball!!!!" Lina, Zel, and Amelia cast and the body of Copy Copy Rezo vanished into dust. Another fireball later, and the dust also vanished. One more, and Gourry started to get hungry.  
  
"Let's go eat, guys!" Gourry suggested, with a twinkle in his eye.  
  
"Yeah!" Lina agreed enthusiastically, "I know this great little pizza place." Amelia sweatdropped and they headed off towards the pizza parlour.  
  
Meanwhile, nearby, a small, insignificant piece of purple hair floated in the wind. And everything faded to black.  
  
Gourry looked up from his momentary flashback. 'Man, I gotta stop doing that,' he berated himself silently. He flinched as he noticed Zelgadis' glare.  
  
"Oh, does it really matter?" Zelgadis grunted irritably. "It was just something the authors threw in for cheap laughs, anyway."  
  
'Yeah, he's probably right,' the swordsman agreed. Then he blinked. 'What's an author, anyway?'  
  
The End 


End file.
